Pouring Out When You Feel Under-Appreciated

I don’t think I’m the only wife and mom who ever feels under-appreciated. Because it’s a lonely feeling, it’s important for us to see that we aren’t alone. So, if you can relate, be encouraged…

Let me begin by saying, I have a terrific life with a wonderful husband and kids. While my husband obviously plays a critical role in our family for many, many reasons, loves God deeply, and is the head of our home, I also realize that in most ways I am the glue holding us all together and I am the one working to nurture contentment and encourage personal growth. I’m working my tail off to raise our children, educate them, manage our home, love my husband, and bring in some bacon. I do these things because I choose to and because I want to. I find joy in my life and wouldn’t trade it, so usually that is enough. But sometimes, while I know and am shown that I am loved deeply by my family, I would love to hear a little applause, feel a little appreciation, and receive a little recognition for all that I’m planting in my kids and the sacrifices that I willingly make for the happiness of my family.

 

Spiraling

This morning I began crying as I reflected on an important family moment/event during which I deserved a lot of credit for another person’s success, but I didn’t receive even a little of it. Even worse, someone else got the credit. I was just the one cheering in the background, taking the photos, and finessing the details so the memory would be a wonderful one. In my heart, at the time, I had felt happy and celebratory and didn’t even see myself as an important player. But afterward, I realized that I was indeed a huge part. As I thought more about it, I quickly became jealous of the person who did receive the recognition, and it hurt that after all that I had put in (over years) to see that day approach, I didn’t even have a photo with me in it or a pat on the back.

Then I began spiraling into an attitude of frustration, jealousy, and sadness as I pondered other similar times when I had continuously poured out but no one really knew just how much I had truly given. I also felt the weight of educating our children on my own so that they can become productive, happy adults while also carrying about the happiness of their childhood. If they don’t turn out well, it’s on me. If they do turn out well, no one will be throwing me a party. My pity party may sound selfish and shallow, but it was real and seemingly justified.

 

PERSPECTIVE

As I cried, I began talking to the Lord and wondering how I don’t simply dry up and how I continue finding more to give. He gently reminded me that Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Thank you, God, for your encouragement, fresh perspective, and words of life.

I have to remember that I’m not Wife and Mom or any position so that my husband will praise me or so that my kids will thank me or even so that I will feel proud of myself. I do it to the best of my ability because I’m doing it for the Lord. He blesses my efforts because I do it for Him. He knows every seed I’ve planted, every time I’ve watered, and every time I’ve pulled tough weeds. He sees my strengths and weaknesses and He knows my hopes and my heart. God knows it all, He sees it all, and nothing I do is lost on Him.

 

GOD’S REFRESHING CYCLE

We weren’t created to give glory/worship to any man, even our husband and children. Likewise, we weren’t created to receive the glory. That explains why frustration builds when we don’t feel that we are being recognized or appreciated. What we were created by God for, however, was to give glory/worship to Him, and that’s why it’s not only enough, but it’s wonderful, to not receive the credit. Plus, whatever we do in His name will bring a greater harvest.

 

Whenever we exalt the Lord rather than ourselves, we are filled up all over again with enough to continue pouring out, and when we are full of God, we are the most satisfied. Being full of Him is more satisfying than any recognition, trophy, or seat of honor. God has a beautiful and refreshing cycle that we are blessed to enjoy: 1) God fills us, 2) We pour out in His name, 3) God receives the glory.

 

Rather than feeling jealous, unappreciated, or forgotten, I will dry my eyes and look at my life through the peaceful and thankful lens of Colossians 3:15-17 and keep moving forward with joy as I endeavor to please the Lord with my effort. Earlier in the chapter in verses 15-17, Colossians 3 give us the answer:  “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”