Older Women Mentoring Younger Women

Re-establishing Relationship

“Yes, Lord, use me. Use me and my experiences, my joys and my sorrows, and let me be a light for You in a younger lady’s life. Let me be more than an example. Let me be involved and make an eternal difference!”

Yep, You Qualify!

The verses in Titus 2 do not refer to “the women older than 50” or the “women older than 70”; it just refers to “the older women”. If I am 30, I need and want to be taught by women older than myself who have been where I am now. At the same time, I can teach women younger than myself. I can reach out to teens and those in their twenties. I have value to those who are newly married or are dating. If you are in a season of your life beyond the lady you are teaching, then you are on the right track. An “older” retired lady has much to share with the “younger” newly empty-nest mom. And the aged granny has much to offer the new bride. Likewise, the lady of 42 can be a great influence on the fourteen year old at her church.

In the Jewish culture, “adolescence” does not exist and a girl becomes a young woman at 12 years of age. So, Paul certainly intended that our teens be included (and focused on) in the group of “young women” to whom we should be admonishing. Particularly in today’s culture, our young ladies in their teen years need a support system of older women who are encouraging them, instructing them, and advising them. Older ladies, these tender hearts and minds need your godly influence. We cannot leave them alone in the face of our culture, surrounded only by peers, and expect them to be okay.

When these young women seem to pull away or seem lost, it is not the time for Christian women to back off. It’s the time for us to press in, pray, and become invested in whatever way God is placing on our heart. Sometimes it requires boldness, because admonishing or mentoring isn’t always the comfortable thing to do. But giving light, wisdom, guidance, and encouragement is the heart of the Father.

Let’s Be Honest

• I have never thought of myself as old enough for these verses to apply to me, but it’s true that I am in a season of life beyond other young ladies and I should think about this.
• I would like to be more involved in young women’s lives, but I feel they don’t want my opinion/advice.
• I am not a people person, so this concept is very uncomfortable for me.
• I have been a good wife and mother and I feel that I have “done my duty” with my own children. Life has finally settled down for me.
• I feel very detached from the younger generation. I feel like I cannot really communicate with them.
• I am interested in applying this verse to my life, but I don’t know how to begin.
• I like being around people my own age; I have my own circle that I’m happy in.
• I don’t really ever think about it.

The Truth

Whether a young lady is struggling or soaring, she is still finding her way. And whether she seems strongly supported or utterly alone, she still needs to hear God’s voice in her life. She needs you to encourage and affirm her in God’s ways and to share your stories about when marriage was in a tough place. She can glean from your step-by-step advice on managing a home and longs for a pat on the back when she gets it right. Even if she seems difficult to reach, she needs you. She needs your love, support, prayer, and instruction. You do not have to completely understand her or her circumstances to be a wonderful influence, support, and friend to her… You only need to know the One who does.

ADMONISH
1: to indicate duties or obligations to
2: to express warning or disapproval to especially in a gentle, earnest, or solicitous manner
3: to give friendly earnest advice or encouragement to

Starting Out

Relationship Building

There was a time as a young mother when God knew that I needed a lot of loving people to surround me and speak into my life. My children were very small when the position my husband held was terminated. During that time, he searched for a job for many weeks, eventually found a night-shift job, enrolled to get his Masters, and after a few months, he went to another state where our friend had offered him a steady ministry opportunity and housing situation. While my husband started work there, our family was separated for a few more months while I worked part-time, took care of a four year old and a one year old, and sold our house. It was a challenging time for our family, but I can see so many ways that God was holding me together, carrying me, and strengthening me. I wrote:

I’ve never had to “hold on” before in my Christian walk. I have always felt very secure and safe in God’s hands, even when times were rocky, uncertain, or scary. But I must admit that I’m beginning to understand the phrase “holding on” that people use. This is our most challenging time ever (today in particular), and loving our children makes it even harder. I’m still confident that God is watching over us as His Word promises, but it’s not fun.

Assurance. I remember visiting my grandparents house at some point during that time. Because I always wore a brave face, it surprised me when my Grandma took a walk beside me and patted my hand. She told me she was praying for me and reassured me that God knew what was happening and that He would take care of it. Her calm and and peace as she shared those words cut right to my spirit, and I will always cherish that moment. I also recall words of understanding and encouragement from Ruth, a friend of ours from our previous church. I pondered and drew strength from her message and more mature perspective for a long time. She wrote that God had great plans for me and my husband, and she admonished me that if I kept the faith as we went through the fire that I would come out as pure gold. She suggested I read a particular chapter in the Bible and let God speak to me, and also affirmed me in an area where I was strong and reminded me that “joy comes in the morning.”

Friendship. My friends, Dena (Ruth’s daughter) and Shannon. These ladies were life lines to me. Although they, too, were young mothers, they were both strong in the Lord and a huge blessing in my life. When it seemed my plans were falling apart, their friendship, hospitality, play date invitations, and thoughtfulness brought normalcy and inspiration to my weeks. Also during that time, my friend, Crystal, and I were introduced by Dena, and I had no idea that Crystal would become one of my closest friends after we moved. She, too, is my age, with children the same ages as mine, but she has been a mature and Spirit-filled sister in Christ to whom I have been able to pour out my heart and share my life for over ten years. My brother was a much needed friend to me as well. At the time, he was single and he would drive from out-of-state to visit the kids and me for a weekend. We had so much fun. Being with him always makes me happy, so his timing to come visit couldn’t have been better.

Relief. My wonderful Sunday School teacher, Pam, babysat the kids for me on a couple of occasions. Babysitting may not sound like a big deal, but it was HUGE, because I trusted Pam and her husband. I recall her cheerful and capable attitude and the relief that she gave. She also gave me bags of baby and toddler clothing which used to be her grandsons’. Those clothes were like jars of oil to me. They lasted and lasted longer than it seemed they should. At the same time, my cousin Paula, generously gave me bags of her daughters’ outgrown clothing, which met another financial need.

Gifts. Our private medical bills from Landon’s birth were covered by a check that came in the mail from an anonymous member of our church. It was for just the amount we needed. I had always heard of those things happening to other people, but boy, when it happened to us. I remember the corner of the room I was standing in when I opened the mail and realized what it was. And how I cried. God blessed us financially, emotionally, and physically through our parents during that time, as well, in larger ways that I could have expected of imagined.

Kindness. The kids and I would often take a walk twice a day, and through those walks, we met a lady who lived in our neighborhood. Her name was Ms. Mary Ann and she was the kindest lady. She was living alone in her modest and pretty home, and the kids took right up with her. She would talk to them like they were important and she would let them play on her piano. She was gentle and easy to talk to and she loved the Lord. She loved studying the Bible, and one day, she invited us over for a tea party. What a precious invitation that was to us. For the kids, it was a fun play date. For me, it was an opportunity to visit someone else’s home, to feel special, and to relax. Weeks later, just after our house sold, when I was scurrying trying to pack boxes (while my curious babies were having fun unpacking them right behind me – the memory makes me smile), and I was handling by myself all the affairs that come with moving, Ms. Mary Ann saw my circumstances and cheerfully invited us over for a big dinner. I still remember some of the yummy foods she cooked and served for that meal, and how much I appreciated every bite. After we moved, Mary Ann continued to be a source of wisdom as she checked in on us through email and admonished me not to take on too much too soon and to keep my focus on Christ.

Consideration. While Tim was working out-of-state, I was juggling life “back at the ranch,” and I was incredibly tired. On Wednesday nights the small group I was part of met at Shannon’s home for Bible study and fellowship. I would leave immediately after work with my little children and we would head over to the highlight of my week. Everyone always brought a food item to share, and they always gave me the easiest item to bring, because they sympathized with my situation and exhaustion.

Action. While I was packing the house and completely overwhelmed, my mom and dad came from out of state to save me. My mom took the children back to their house while my dad stayed with me for three days and helped me pack boxes. He brought me a tv series on DVD as a gift, and in the evenings he made sure I had a good dinner and we would sit together on the couch to watch the show and rest.

Prayer. At the end of a work day, when everyone was ready to lock up and go home, one of my wonderfully kind bosses, Georgia, pressed in to find out how I was really doing.  She sat right down on the hard, cold floor and listened attentively, as I shared my worries and my heart. She prayed for me and for my family and especially for my husband. I can still remember that part of her prayer, and how it built up my faith and renewed my hope in the Lord. My mom was praying fervently for me and for us all during that time, as well, and she was only a phone call away to support or help in any way.

I am so incredibly thankful for all the people who turned my gray skies blue and encouraged me in the Lord with love and with action during that season! I’ve been crying as I recalled these wonderful moments – precious gifts that remind me of my Father’s provision and power and attentiveness to His children. (James 1:17) I’ll think of more, but the time has rolled into 5:00 am, so I’m going to quit now. I trust that you feel more ready to embark on a quest to bless as the Lord opens doors and soon you’ll see what amazing things God will do through you!

Here’s a photo of me when I was pregnant with my daughter. Beside me are my grandma, June, and my mom, Conney.

Here is a photo of me 12 years later with my daughter and my mom.