Middle School: Walking a Healthy Balance Between Structure and Freedom

As my oldest child experiences the middle school years, I find myself needing to transition and develop right along with her. One of the ways adjustment is needed is in the area of our daily routine.  While a routine provides necessary structure, my child’s growing maturity reminds me that it is also time for me to introduce some freedoms. This is the perfect time for me to make adjustments, because she is mature enough to handle some freedom, but she is young enough to be trained in how to manage that freedom.

Giving our children structure and also giving them freedom may sound like an oxymoron, but in actuality, these important but opposite elements, which we the parents measure and determine, can and should work together hand-in-hand.

Why are both important? A structured day is necessary to our child’s daily success and sanity, while  freedom to make choices and manage time and behaviors is important to experiencing eventual independence and happiness.

Structure

We want our kids to understand how to operate with rules and nonnegotiable expectations because 1) life goes more smoothly for everyone, right? and 2) one day when they further their education and/or experience the work place, they need to know how to do what they are expected to do and work within parameters that have been set by someone else.

Freedom

One of the advantages to homeschooling, which me must also be careful not to abuse, is that our kids have the opportunity to take advantage of their flexible learning environment at home. Freedom can encourage creativity, often fits better with the child’s mood (which can also make life go more smoothly for everyone, right?), and may even lead to better productivity when used correctly.

Responsibility

Both structure and freedom are great, but one without the other can become unhealthy. Too much structure can become stifling and frustrating, while too much freedom can encourage laziness and also feel frustrating. So what is the perfect balance? Responsibility. Giving our child responsibility means that they have STRUCTURE through nonnegotiable parameters within which they are expected to operate, but they are given enough FREEDOM and trust within those expectations to accomplish the required goal in a more flexible [and maybe] more creative way. This freedom within structure creates an environment where the child can:

• learn time management
• discover their strengths and weaknesses
• continue moving forward with their studies
• experience consequences of their choices
• learn to control emotions and attitude
• develop interests and ways of learning
• work on weaker areas

Obviously, each child is different, and each child has his own level of internal motivation, but we must remember that each child is still developing and needs our guidance to help reach his potential. As parents, we have the opportunity to provide our children with a learning environment that balances structure and freedom in a way that produces healthy responsibility. Learning responsibility will empower them for the rest of their lives.

A Daily Balance

Our days and our families looks different from one another, but to get your mind working on how balance can be achieved during your school day, here are some examples of ways I am working to create a healthy Structure/Freedom balance through responsibility for my middle school student, and it will continue to develop through high school.

These examples help explain why both structure and freedom are necessary. If I gave my child complete freedom to do her school work whenever and wherever she wanted, her education would be a disaster. Even if she had the will-power and maturity to tackle all her work and do it well, she would have missed out on the lighter anxiety level that comes from practicing obedience and routine. And if we were so structured that I never gave my child any flexibility or choice, then the rejection of her reasonable requests would quench her growing independence and inner desire to be affirmed and trusted when deserved.

Honest Assessment

If you are struggling with balance of structure and freedom in your school day or your home, consider that during the middle school years (roughly), structure must not be abandoned, and if it has not already been present, it should be instituted. Also, during these years, freedom given with responsibility should be introduced, and the child should be trained through parental example and guidance in wisely using freedom as it is permitted and earned.

I hope this post helps us re-assess the level of balance between structure and freedom that we are providing for each of our children. We can embrace the word “responsibility” and pursue healthy development as our children brave the sometimes turbulent waters from dependence to independence.