Damaging Friendship One Assumption at a Time
Our church’s ladies’ group is studying the importance of friendship, and as I ponder and work to apply what we are learning, I keep thinking of a frequent enemy of growing friendships that we should all guard against – I’m talking about our tendency to assume.
FEEDING LIES
Oh, how easy it is to assume, and how often we assume based off of our own insecurities, which of course, is unfair to the other person! We may assume our friend doesn’t like something we did or that she is offended, or that the reason for her behavior is this or that. When we assume, we feed possible lies within our own mind.
Instead of assuming and never seeking out the facts, we should care enough about the other person to give them the opportunity to enlighten us. Then we can continue together walking with openness, and if needed, healing. Even with prompting, the other person may not choose to be open or offer an explanation, but it’s on us if we choose to only assume and thereby risk damaging the friendship.
MY DISCLAIMER
On a side note, I can’t imagine how many times I have probably been misunderstood or unknowingly offended friends. If I ever leave you feeling that way, PLEASE just ask me about it! Let’s sort it out and get on with our journey together!
VALUED FRIENDSHIP
One of my friends from North Carolina, whom at the time I had only known for several months, caught me after church one Sunday and asked if she could speak to me. Her expression was so serious that my heart skipped a few beats as I tried to figure out what she could possibly want to tell me. I didn’t have to wait long to learn what was on her mind.
She kindly and directly asked me, “Have I upset you for any reason?” Surprised, I quickly blurted out, “Goodness, no! Why do you ask?” She then explained with relief that she had been texting me but I hadn’t been responding, and this had her worried that I was trying to avoid her.
I was so happy and relieved that she had approached and asked me so that I could explain! My phone had been acting up for several days and I had been missing lots of texts and calls. I had no idea she had been trying to contact me. I immediately grabbed and hugged her, because I realized at that moment how close I was to losing a good friend over a misunderstanding.
I still appreciate her boldness that day. When she chose to approach me with her concern, she was showing me that she valued me enough as a person and as a friend to confront me and sort out anything that would hurt our growing friendship.
Stop Damage Before It Begins
Before jumping to assumptions, let’s respect one another enough to address any concerns we may have! Whether it launches a new friendship or saves an old one, it’s worth the extra effort!
